I seem to be keeping in some kind of order of writing random thoughts and then writing something about Julia. So with that in mind I give you the following.
Sun is up. Husband is off to work already. Julia starts to wake up. Please God, let her sleep just a little longer, please, please, please. No deal. Julia looks up at me with a smile that could melt the heart of the Grinch himself and all is forgiven.
Shuffle out into the living room with Julia in tow. Open blinds. Look outside to see what kind of weather we are having today. Think to myself I should really get outside more often. Maybe I'll walk around the park today know that I really won't walk around the park and will settle for a quick walk to the mail box...if that.
Set Julia down on her blanket by the TV. Turn on Baby Einstein. Walk to kitchen to make coffee. Realize that in two seconds Julia has managed to make a bee line for a forbidden object, bypassing all of her toys. Point out to myself that even at six months of age we are tempted by what we can't have. Play with Julia while coffee is brewing.
Coffee is done. Drink coffee. Look forward to the day when I no longer have to limit my caffeine intake.
Video is done. Breakfast has been eaten. Coffee has been drunk. It's only 10 AM. Brian will be home in three hours providing a break for me and someone to talk to who doesn't babble and drool. What do we do until then?
Julia takes a nap. Consider taking a nap myself. Look at kitchen. Make a sad face realizing that I can't take a nap because I have yet to invent the self cleaning kitchen. Use Facebook as procrastination tool. Never get around to cleaning the kitchen.
Julia wakes up. Find something to watch or music to listen to because we don't have cable. Regret the decision to get rid of the cable. Think of ways to convince Brian that cable is necessary. Realize that no...cable is not necessary. Put on something suitable for both Julia and I to watch. Play with Julia.
Watch Julia moving about learning to crawl. Look into her eyes and see the hope of tomorrow looking back at me. How did I get so blessed? Sit for a moment in awe of God's creation. Beautiful. Strong. Curious. Wondering. Happy. Loving Baby. Realize I've sat too long in awe. Pick up Julia out of corner eating a DVD box set.
Door opens. Brian is home.
Day passes into night. Waking turns to sleeping. Start all over again tomorrow.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
Super Women of the world...Unite!
I have a lot to say but I don't know how to say it. I'm frustrated, I'm angry, I'm jealous...I'm interrupted by a crying baby, I'm sad, I'm happy, I'm in love, I'm in awe. I am all of these things at least 20 times a day and I'm exhausted. Am I bad mom for saying this? Probably not...just honest. Why can't we be honest about how we feel anymore? Especially women. Some how we have gotten it in our heads that we have to fancy ourselves super woman and we have to be the best...and I HATE it!
I hate how competitive I am with other women. I have to be the best cook, the best mom, the best wife, the best housekeeper, the best writer, the best Christian, the best leader, the best daughter, the best sister, the best friend, the best woman there ever was.
How did we get here? Women couldn't have always been like this. I mean they use to live in close community with one another. They use to help one another raise their children, clean their homes, cook their meals. But if some other women were to come into my home and attempt to raise my children, clean my home and cook my meals I would through a fit! Which may have more to do with my stubbornness than my competitiveness...though they kind of go hand in hand.
You might be sitting there thinking "oh my! Lindsey has some issues" which I do, but don't think for a moment that you don't deal with the same thing at least some of the time. I don't know a woman out there who hasn't been jealous or slightly competitive with another woman. Maybe she has a better job, a better house, a better a car, or better hair, longer legs, and all around seems like she has a perfect life.
You know where thinking like that lands you? Nowhere! Absolutely smack dab in the middle of the barren desert with nothing but your negativing to keep you company. And that is where I spend way too much of my time.
So what do we do about this problem of ours? I say we start with being honest. I know I've said it before but I'll say it again...we need to be more honest. Do you know how flattering it is to know that some other woman you are close to is actually jealous of you?! Now I'm not promoting jealousy by any means. I think it's a cruel monster that preys on us when are weak. But it nevertheless attacks and we nevertheless give in.
I will finish by saying this, if you are a woman and you are in my life, in a big way or a small way, I guarantee that I have been jealous of you and have felt competitive with you in some way. For that I am sorry. Jealousy never brings out the best in me and it certainly never helps bring people closer together. But I do hope to better myself by being honest with you about what I love in you, what I'm admire in you, and how much I appreciate you. Because if it weren't for the amazing women in my life I wouldn't be who I am today and I certainly would not be able to get to where ever it is that I'm going. You are all beautiful, and you are all loved. Thank you, for being in my life.
I hate how competitive I am with other women. I have to be the best cook, the best mom, the best wife, the best housekeeper, the best writer, the best Christian, the best leader, the best daughter, the best sister, the best friend, the best woman there ever was.
How did we get here? Women couldn't have always been like this. I mean they use to live in close community with one another. They use to help one another raise their children, clean their homes, cook their meals. But if some other women were to come into my home and attempt to raise my children, clean my home and cook my meals I would through a fit! Which may have more to do with my stubbornness than my competitiveness...though they kind of go hand in hand.
You might be sitting there thinking "oh my! Lindsey has some issues" which I do, but don't think for a moment that you don't deal with the same thing at least some of the time. I don't know a woman out there who hasn't been jealous or slightly competitive with another woman. Maybe she has a better job, a better house, a better a car, or better hair, longer legs, and all around seems like she has a perfect life.
You know where thinking like that lands you? Nowhere! Absolutely smack dab in the middle of the barren desert with nothing but your negativing to keep you company. And that is where I spend way too much of my time.
So what do we do about this problem of ours? I say we start with being honest. I know I've said it before but I'll say it again...we need to be more honest. Do you know how flattering it is to know that some other woman you are close to is actually jealous of you?! Now I'm not promoting jealousy by any means. I think it's a cruel monster that preys on us when are weak. But it nevertheless attacks and we nevertheless give in.
I will finish by saying this, if you are a woman and you are in my life, in a big way or a small way, I guarantee that I have been jealous of you and have felt competitive with you in some way. For that I am sorry. Jealousy never brings out the best in me and it certainly never helps bring people closer together. But I do hope to better myself by being honest with you about what I love in you, what I'm admire in you, and how much I appreciate you. Because if it weren't for the amazing women in my life I wouldn't be who I am today and I certainly would not be able to get to where ever it is that I'm going. You are all beautiful, and you are all loved. Thank you, for being in my life.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
For it's one, two, three strikes you're out, of the old ball game!
Today we took Julia to her first spring training game for the Arizona Diamond Backs. Sadly, we lost to the Rockies but I don't really go for the game... I go for the food, which is a good enough reason for me to go anywhere, but I digress.
Julia had a grand time! She slept a little and was adored by many, she was a perfect little baby.
Julia had a grand time! She slept a little and was adored by many, she was a perfect little baby.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
"Like sands through the hourglass, these are the days of our lives"
Dear Julia,
You are almost six months old. The phrase "it went by so fast" seems a little cliche, but it is nonetheless true. I feel as though I blinked once and I was in the delivery room, I blinked twice and we were bringing you home from the hospital (okay maybe that was three blinks) and one more blink and you'll be graduating high school. You have brought more light into my life than I could have ever imagined. Every morning when I wake up and see your bright shining face I can hardly believe that God choose us to be the parents of such a beautiful child.
It was just five and a half months ago that you were in my belly. I was worrying about my feet swelling and what color your room should be. Now I worry about what dangers you might encounter in this world and how best to prepare you for them. I have not known any kind of worry such the one I experience as a mother. Please know, however, that when you are older and you think I'm being unreasonable, it is truly only because I love you more than I have ever loved anyone or anything. I know I won't always be right, I won't always have the answer, I won't always be your favorite person and I won't always be able to fix everything with a hug and a kiss. But I will always try my hardest to do what is right for you, to lead you on the path of righteousness, and to trust God to protect you and give you the answers when I know I cannot.
It might be impossible for me to put into words just how much you mean to me or how much you have changed my life. People say your life changes completely when you have children but I never knew that changed would involve your heart. You, Julia Marie Grant, have changed my heart forever. You left your beautiful little hand print on it and marked it as yours. I know you aren't growing up in a perfect world but it does have it's beautiful moments. Moments such as the one when I first laid eyes on you and held you in my arms. I couldn't stop staring at you. You were the most beautiful creation I had ever seen. You will always be the most beautiful creation I have ever seen, "for you are fearfully and wonderfully made..."
I look forward to the journey we are already on the path of. I look forward to seeing the person you are going to become and the successes and failures that will help you get there. I will always be there to cheer you on, whether on this earth or in your heart and I will always love you, my precious girl, my little one, my Julia.
Loving you always and forever,
Mom
You are almost six months old. The phrase "it went by so fast" seems a little cliche, but it is nonetheless true. I feel as though I blinked once and I was in the delivery room, I blinked twice and we were bringing you home from the hospital (okay maybe that was three blinks) and one more blink and you'll be graduating high school. You have brought more light into my life than I could have ever imagined. Every morning when I wake up and see your bright shining face I can hardly believe that God choose us to be the parents of such a beautiful child.
It was just five and a half months ago that you were in my belly. I was worrying about my feet swelling and what color your room should be. Now I worry about what dangers you might encounter in this world and how best to prepare you for them. I have not known any kind of worry such the one I experience as a mother. Please know, however, that when you are older and you think I'm being unreasonable, it is truly only because I love you more than I have ever loved anyone or anything. I know I won't always be right, I won't always have the answer, I won't always be your favorite person and I won't always be able to fix everything with a hug and a kiss. But I will always try my hardest to do what is right for you, to lead you on the path of righteousness, and to trust God to protect you and give you the answers when I know I cannot.
It might be impossible for me to put into words just how much you mean to me or how much you have changed my life. People say your life changes completely when you have children but I never knew that changed would involve your heart. You, Julia Marie Grant, have changed my heart forever. You left your beautiful little hand print on it and marked it as yours. I know you aren't growing up in a perfect world but it does have it's beautiful moments. Moments such as the one when I first laid eyes on you and held you in my arms. I couldn't stop staring at you. You were the most beautiful creation I had ever seen. You will always be the most beautiful creation I have ever seen, "for you are fearfully and wonderfully made..."
I look forward to the journey we are already on the path of. I look forward to seeing the person you are going to become and the successes and failures that will help you get there. I will always be there to cheer you on, whether on this earth or in your heart and I will always love you, my precious girl, my little one, my Julia.
Loving you always and forever,
Mom
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Julia Julia Julia
In the latest news of the week: Julia cut her finger grabing at paper and I discovered that I do not have band-aids small enough for her little bitty fingers. I also discovered that a paper cut is not quite the tragic experience for my five month old baby as it is for her twenty four year old mother. I didn't even know she had cut her finger until I looked down and saw blood smeared all over the paper on the desk and on my shirt. But have no fear...all is well and the cut is healing beautifuly.
In other news (still Julia related): Julia has found that scooting is a very good way to get into things that we aren't prepared for her to get into. You see a typical five month old is JUST trying to figure out how to scoot...but our five month old is trying to figure out how to crawl and is putting this scooting business behind her. So this morning before I even had a chance to sip my coffee she had removed the corner cushion that I put on our tv stand thinking "Oh we don't really need this yet, but just in case"....well..we don't really need them because apparently Julia can just take them off. Of course this little trick wasn't enough...Julia needed to see how far she could reach and thus proceeded to grab for Brian's copy of Modern Warfare (this part made Brian very happy, thinking that his little girl will become a "gamer"...mommy has other plans ;)
Saturday, February 20, 2010
The power of honesty
Last night I went to a dance show at the U of A. I wasn't planning on going until next week but due to a delay in buying tickets and shows being sold out, I went last night. Every dance show I've been to at the U of A has been amazing. Well, almost all of them, there was an unfortunate evening spent watching sleazy clowns and a woman with a whip, but I digress.
The show last night was a blend of styles, ballet, modern and jazz. The ballet was beautiful the jazz was jazzy but the modern took a sudden turn into the unexpected. The piece was titled "Hush". A simple title, it could mean a whole number of things, but as the piece progressed I found it to mean the hush we all feel when it comes to being vulnerable and honest. If I were to try to describe what exactly happened on stage I would hardly do it justice. Just know that through the power of art and fearlessness, a group of people expressed the loss just about everyone feels in life. When you think of the phrase "why did you leave so soon?" I'm sure a couple of thoughts could go through your mind. This was a central theme of the dance and quite apparent when the words flashed in the back ground as dancers moved as only a souls expression could move.
For me "why did you leave so soon?" brings to mind the losses I have experienced in my life. Two very specific ones in fact, my dad and my grandpa. As I sat and watched this movement of the soul I was reminded of feelings that I have shoved into the back of my mind, into the back of my heart.
To me, that is the power of art. It allows one to bring to life feelings that are lost in this world. In our busy world of materialism, selfishness, and greed we get lost. We all do it.
I am more aware of this now than I ever have been before. Being a parent has made me more aware of the state of the world than I ever have before. I pray to God everyday that He will grant me the wisdom to bring up our children to love in a world that has forgotten the meaning.
This is why I am thankful for people like the one who made the piece last night. People who are not afraid to express what we all need to know...we are not alone. We all feel pain, we all feel loss, we all feel love...we all FEEL. So thank you, U of A dance program, for allowing an audience of strangers to remember what it's like to open up our hearts and feel.
The show last night was a blend of styles, ballet, modern and jazz. The ballet was beautiful the jazz was jazzy but the modern took a sudden turn into the unexpected. The piece was titled "Hush". A simple title, it could mean a whole number of things, but as the piece progressed I found it to mean the hush we all feel when it comes to being vulnerable and honest. If I were to try to describe what exactly happened on stage I would hardly do it justice. Just know that through the power of art and fearlessness, a group of people expressed the loss just about everyone feels in life. When you think of the phrase "why did you leave so soon?" I'm sure a couple of thoughts could go through your mind. This was a central theme of the dance and quite apparent when the words flashed in the back ground as dancers moved as only a souls expression could move.
For me "why did you leave so soon?" brings to mind the losses I have experienced in my life. Two very specific ones in fact, my dad and my grandpa. As I sat and watched this movement of the soul I was reminded of feelings that I have shoved into the back of my mind, into the back of my heart.
To me, that is the power of art. It allows one to bring to life feelings that are lost in this world. In our busy world of materialism, selfishness, and greed we get lost. We all do it.
I am more aware of this now than I ever have been before. Being a parent has made me more aware of the state of the world than I ever have before. I pray to God everyday that He will grant me the wisdom to bring up our children to love in a world that has forgotten the meaning.
This is why I am thankful for people like the one who made the piece last night. People who are not afraid to express what we all need to know...we are not alone. We all feel pain, we all feel loss, we all feel love...we all FEEL. So thank you, U of A dance program, for allowing an audience of strangers to remember what it's like to open up our hearts and feel.
Friday, February 19, 2010
The band wagon
Cookies are made, baby (Julia) is being entertained by her dad (Brian) and I am sitting at the computer posting my first blog. I told myself time and time again that I was not going to blog. I had many reasons for telling myself this. The biggest reason being that I didn't think anyone would read it and the second was that I would lack any real thing to say. But recently a dear friend of mine suggeted that I start a blog and it was just the push I needed.
For all those who are reading this and for all future readers: I do not promise this to be full of witt (though I will try) or full of heart warming stories (though those will appear from time to time). Mainly I will try my best to keep readers updated on the goingson (it's a word) of my life as a mom.
So buckle up, it's going to be a bummpy ride.
For all those who are reading this and for all future readers: I do not promise this to be full of witt (though I will try) or full of heart warming stories (though those will appear from time to time). Mainly I will try my best to keep readers updated on the goingson (it's a word) of my life as a mom.
So buckle up, it's going to be a bummpy ride.
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