Tuesday, May 18, 2010

The truth about the tooth

Julia has her first tooth!!! Okay so maybe it's not all the way through. But yesterday while she was gnawing on my finger, I felt a sharp little edge. Proof that my little girl is growing up faster than I could have ever imagined.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Tired...and when I say tired, I mean TIRED!

This is going to be short. I am Tired. I normally HATE it when people complain about being tired. This not to say that everyone doesn't deserve to give up once in awhile and say "I'm tired", but to mention it everyday as if no one else in the world can possibly be as tired as you is completely and utterly annoying.
For you moms out there...if any of you have ever told me or someone else that you don't know what tired is until you become a mom...you are 100% correct. I'm sure there are other professions out there that are just as tiring, like being a doctor or a nurse...maybe an astronaut...but that's it. (I'm sure there are more, but as I have mentioned, I am tired). So to moms I say "You Rock!" You rarely complain (because who has the time) and you walk through life with patience and love even though, most days, you are freakin tired.
And that's all I have to say about that.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Grace, and the crazy road it takes to get there

I haven't written in awhile. This is mainly because I feel like I have had nothing positive to say, and I believe Thumper said it best when he told Bambi "If you can't say somethin nice don't say nothin at all."
You see, my life has been on this sort of permanent pause while I wait to hear about a potential job. I won't go into detail except to say that I really want this job and I think, with God's help, I could be good at it.
The idea of having a job has turned my mind into a virtual playground for negative thoughts. I blame most of it on my insecurity. Once I allow myself to go down the self destructive road of insecure thinking, it is almost impossible for me to get back. In fact whenever I do end up here I often wish I could go back for a refresher course in therapy. I become completely crazy and paranoid.
"Why haven't they called yet? Was my application too elementary? Maybe I'm not smart enough. Maybe I'm not old enough, mature enough, spiritual enough, bold enough. Maybe they already found someone and are waiting to tell me." And on and on it goes until I feel like I'm about to scream.
You see...nothin nice to say.
Selfish, negative, unqualified, worthless, little ol' me. But this is only 50% of my brain. The other half is saying positive words. I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. And that it is pointless to compare myself to others because we are all different and we are all loved by the Creator of us all. I know this. I do. I try telling myself all of this whenever the negative Nancy monsters attacks. And sometimes it works.
But truthfully, as I think of it now, the only thing that really works is sitting for a moment in the love and presence of Jesus. It is hard to find time to do this amidst the daily tasks of being a mother and wife. But in reality it doesn't take that much time. because He is there waiting. He is always waiting everyday for me to come and say "God, I can't do this! I need You and I need Your love, and I need it now." Because people will fail you, you will fail yourself, but God...God never fails. Sometimes we don't understand. Sometimes we feel like He isn't there or has up and left altogether, never to return. I felt like that. I have felt like for a very long time. But when I finally realized that He was there, that I did need Him regardless of what I have been through...I was freed. I was freed from the bonds of myself and this world and I could just breath. Breath in the fresh, crisp air of forgiveness and never ending, never failing love.
So I say to myself, you are fearfully and wonderfully made and God does love you. Just the way you are...today.
Breath. Rejoice. Accept. Walk in the grace of God's love.