Saturday, February 27, 2010

"Like sands through the hourglass, these are the days of our lives"

Dear Julia,
You are almost six months old. The phrase "it went by so fast" seems a little cliche, but it is nonetheless true. I feel as though I blinked once and I was in the delivery room, I blinked twice and we were bringing you home from the hospital (okay maybe that was three blinks) and one more blink and you'll be graduating high school. You have brought more light into my life than I could have ever imagined. Every morning when I wake up and see your bright shining face I can hardly believe that God choose us to be the parents of such a beautiful child.
It was just five and a half months ago that you were in my belly. I was worrying about my feet swelling and what color your room should be. Now I worry about what dangers you might encounter in this world and how best to prepare you for them. I have not known any kind of worry such the one I experience as a mother. Please know, however, that when you are older and you think I'm being unreasonable, it is truly only because I love you more than I have ever loved anyone or anything. I know I won't always be right, I won't always have the answer, I won't always be your favorite person and I won't always be able to fix everything with a hug and a kiss. But I will always try my hardest to do what is right for you, to lead you on the path of righteousness, and to trust God to protect you and give you the answers when I know I cannot.
It might be impossible for me to put into words just how much you mean to me or how much you have changed my life. People say your life changes completely when you have children but I never knew that changed would involve your heart. You, Julia Marie Grant, have changed my heart forever. You left your beautiful little hand print on it and marked it as yours. I know you aren't growing up in a perfect world but it does have it's beautiful moments. Moments such as the one when I first laid eyes on you and held you in my arms. I couldn't stop staring at you. You were the most beautiful creation I had ever seen. You will always be the most beautiful creation I have ever seen, "for you are fearfully and wonderfully made..."
I look forward to the journey we are already on the path of. I look forward to seeing the person you are going to become and the successes and failures that will help you get there. I will always be there to cheer you on, whether on this earth or in your heart and I will always love you, my precious girl, my little one, my Julia.
Loving you always and forever,

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Julia Julia Julia

In the latest news of the week: Julia cut her finger grabing at paper and I discovered that I do not have band-aids small enough for her little bitty fingers. I also discovered that a paper cut is not quite the tragic experience for my five month old baby as it is for her twenty four year old mother. I didn't even know she had cut her finger until I looked down and saw blood smeared all over the paper on the desk and on my shirt. But have no fear...all is well and the cut is healing beautifuly.

In other news (still Julia related): Julia has found that scooting is a very good way to get into things that we aren't prepared for her to get into. You see a typical five month old is JUST trying to figure out how to scoot...but our five month old is trying to figure out how to crawl and is putting this scooting business behind her. So this morning before I even had a chance to sip my coffee she had removed the corner cushion that I put on our tv stand thinking "Oh we don't really need this yet, but just in case"....well..we don't really need them because apparently Julia can just take them off. Of course this little trick wasn't enough...Julia needed to see how far she could reach and thus proceeded to grab for Brian's copy of Modern Warfare (this part made Brian very happy, thinking that his little girl will become a "gamer"...mommy has other plans ;)

Saturday, February 20, 2010

The power of honesty

Last night I went to a dance show at the U of A. I wasn't planning on going until next week but due to a delay in buying tickets and shows being sold out, I went last night. Every dance show I've been to at the U of A has been amazing. Well, almost all of them, there was an unfortunate evening spent watching sleazy clowns and a woman with a whip, but I digress.
The show last night was a blend of styles, ballet, modern and jazz. The ballet was beautiful the jazz was jazzy but the modern took a sudden turn into the unexpected. The piece was titled "Hush". A simple title, it could mean a whole number of things, but as the piece progressed I found it to mean the hush we all feel when it comes to being vulnerable and honest. If I were to try to describe what exactly happened on stage I would hardly do it justice. Just know that through the power of art and fearlessness, a group of people expressed the loss just about everyone feels in life. When you think of the phrase "why did you leave so soon?" I'm sure a couple of thoughts could go through your mind. This was a central theme of the dance and quite apparent when the words flashed in the back ground as dancers moved as only a souls expression could move.
For me "why did you leave so soon?" brings to mind the losses I have experienced in my life. Two very specific ones in fact, my dad and my grandpa. As I sat and watched this movement of the soul I was reminded of feelings that I have shoved into the back of my mind, into the back of my heart.
To me, that is the power of art. It allows one to bring to life feelings that are lost in this world. In our busy world of materialism, selfishness, and greed we get lost. We all do it.
I am more aware of this now than I ever have been before. Being a parent has made me more aware of the state of the world than I ever have before. I pray to God everyday that He will grant me the wisdom to bring up our children to love in a world that has forgotten the meaning.
This is why I am thankful for people like the one who made the piece last night. People who are not afraid to express what we all need to know...we are not alone. We all feel pain, we all feel loss, we all feel love...we all FEEL. So thank you, U of A dance program, for allowing an audience of strangers to remember what it's like to open up our hearts and feel.

Friday, February 19, 2010

The band wagon

Cookies are made, baby (Julia) is being entertained by her dad (Brian) and I am sitting at the computer posting my first blog. I told myself time and time again that I was not going to blog. I had many reasons for telling myself this. The biggest reason being that I didn't think anyone would read it and the second was that I would lack any real thing to say. But recently a dear friend of mine suggeted that I start a blog and it was just the push I needed.
For all those who are reading this and for all future readers: I do not promise this to be full of witt (though I will try) or full of heart warming stories (though those will appear from time to time). Mainly I will try my best to keep readers updated on the goingson (it's a word) of my life as a mom.
So buckle up, it's going to be a bummpy ride.